Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Dream Guilt and Insight

I have a project that has been hanging over my head for awhile. It's one of those things that I offered to do and was excited to do, but then I couldn't do it the way I had originally planned. A glitch... Coming up with Plan B slowed me down and then life moved on and I wasn't as hot to do it anymore. It has been hanging over my head and in my mind. Unfortunately, I realized from a dream I just had, that awakens a little resentment devil in me that doesn't want to do it. I'm actually sort of mad at the project! A few weeks ago as I was out in the yard, a person who is also involved asked about it. Had I ever gotten it done? Where was I on this project? Rather than making me feel guilty, it made the resentment grow.

Night before last I had a dream. This woman and my mom were in the kitchen doing dishes together and she was telling on me! I know this dream comes from the feeling that this is hanging over my head, but the surprising thing to me was that I was so angry in the dream. At both of them! Talk to me about it if you have a problem, I yelled.

Interesting. I am actually angry about this project that is hanging over my head and the fact that people are wondering what happened to my end of it. I offered to do this. I put it on myself. Why am I angry and resentful? Interesting. I hadn't realized that emotion until I started thinking about the project and the dream yesterday. Today I am going to get this done. How futile to be mad at a project! How pointless to harbor resentment at people to whom I offered the work! I offered! It isn't their fault I lost interest! But I guess it explains why I have been avoiding this project. I guess there is some warped sense of punishing the project by not doing it. Ha! I will get back at you for hanging over my head! I just won't do you at all!

(To put this in perspective, the project is a photo address book of people who attended our neighborhood party in August. Kelly, just get it done! Don't let it take days off your century!)

5 comments:

GRANDMA SPEAKING said...

Kelly, just looked on Shutterfly and you can make a soft cover 5X7 book with 20 pages for $11.69. If you need more they're .45 ea. You can choose to do a page with a picture and text (name, address, phone number) or whatever you want. This way you could design it, forward it to the neighbors, and they can order.

Mia's Classroom said...

Yelling? Resentful? LOL I can't even picture MY Kelly so wound up! haha!

Kelly said...

Oh, I can yell in real life, too! Just ask your "Moosie." Ha ha!

Thanks for the info, Aunt Pat! I finished the slide show yesterday and that monkey is off my back! I wanted originally to do it on Flickr with a password but some of the people were uneasy with their pix and contact info on the internet--even if password protected. So a slide show movie was my plan B. I attached it to an email and sent it out last night. Hope no one has dial up!

Marsha said...

Anger and resentment, while not positive, are certainly motivators. ;-) Your post made me smile.

Anonymous said...

...and I did a good job of not nagging. EE